is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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