..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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