When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
