when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
