She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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