I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
