I just threw up on my dentist
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
