okay pat passed out under dana's car
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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