I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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