A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
