Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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