peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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