Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's official drugs can't kill me
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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