I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
