Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
