For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
