I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
