it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
