to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
