just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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