She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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