Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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