i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
