Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
