it's like iHOP with fire
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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