While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
