I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He better not be in your backpack
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
