I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
