Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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