I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
