Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Houston, we have a blender
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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