YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
