at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
