I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
