sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
