Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Drunk is a universal language darling
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
