Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
