Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Text me some of your sweat
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
