I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
