Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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