i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
