she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
