the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
