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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
