with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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