shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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