awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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