just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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