What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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