??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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