the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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