He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
