you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Randomize
